Aerin sketch

I'm working on developing a sturdier art style that isn't as intricate and can be replicated more easily. I think it's really cute.

My Transition

It's been awhile, and I guess that's my fault for not updating. As anyone who's read my other posts undoubtedly knows, I am transgender. Last week I made a decision to begin my transition by choosing a new name for myself, seeing as even "SJ" brings up the subject of my given, a  thought that has been bringing me trouble the past month. To aid my dysphoria and depression, I would prefer from now on to be called Emil. There wasn't much thought put into this. I just really like that name and it makes me feel good about myself.
Thanks,
Emil  <3

Apologies

I would like to apologize to the -3 people who wait for me to write. School just started and I'm really busy. My bullet journal failed around the middle of september. I am now living with a friend of mine (Yay not homeless) because we wanted to move and we thought we had the money to but we didn't. Lately I've been working writing articles for a magazine my step-sister is working on. It's called The Riveter and you should definitely look it up. Along with that I've been doing homework mostly, so there isn't much of a chance of me adding onto NB Babes or my book for awhile. XO~SJ

Finally! The Wren Sskkkeeettcchheeesss

Here are my sketches of Wren!!!! I'm sorry I haven't updated on my NB Babes yet I'm just not sure what to do with them yet. ♡SJ

A Month!!!

I have  successfully finished an entire month of my bullet journal!! In summary: I went from using markers to ink pens, July was insane, to-do-lists are the best, and I wrote for a total of 8.9 hours during the month of July. Outlook for August: also insane, school starts, I plan on finding a job, my sister is apartment hunting for september, gotta cram some time with the squad before school starts, saving money so I can buy school supplies that will last more than a week. I'm going to hate myself at some point for having so many goals, but if I keep paying close attention to making sure my day-to-day goals are progress rather than regress I will eventually reach my bigger goals. Even if it isn't for 93 more years. It's the thought that counts, right?

Updates On All Kinds Of Things

Life is kinda nuts right now? I thought I was going to be homeless for a minute, I was forced out of the closet at a family gathering, my mom was treated for stage one cancer, and my step sister and I decided to write matching memoirs exposing our family's cycle of child abuse and manipulation detailing both of our slightly different personal stories. My working blog for my memoirs is Memoirs of the Family Disappointment. The writing style is a bit more dark and intense because that's how my family makes me feel. All of my posts on there have various trigger warnings so if you don't have stuff that triggers you blacklisted, I suggest not checking it out for your own safety <3 SJ

This Is Kinda Shitty

Well, I'm stuck on mobile, even though I'm back from my trip, so my posts will keep being very spread out and badly we written because I HATE typing on my phone. I'll try to update.

I Will Be Active While I'm Gone After All

I found blogger on mobile so I will still be posting while I'm on my road trip. But since I will be busy and on my phone, do not hold me accountable for any and all spelling errors I make. I'm terrible at typing on my phone, but I have a few posts on queue already so I'll burn through those before trying to type on my phone. I'm also going to try to keep up with my bullet journal while I'm gone. I hope that I can stay on top of it. If I do, I'll post pictures of my journal while I'm on the go. <3 SJ

My Bullet Journal

Day four, page fifteen of my newest journal and it's still going strong! The format and template I set up for the lists, reading updates, writing updates , and diary entries remains intact, a quality that my last journal did not have. I'm feeling really hopeful about it and am really hoping I don't fall out of the good habits I've kept with it so far. Writing this it is July 6 and I leave for Illinois in a few days. I'm not so excited to see my mom but I get to see one of my best friends, Dorian <3. I'm also siked because my sister made a bunch of mixes for the road trip and we have the same music preferences so It's going to be pretty cool.

My Identity Board

In an attempt to fully encapsulate my identity and who I am, I have started a pinterest board based on me. You will see it shares some likeness to Aerin's board, which is mainly because I want to be androgynous and am agender. There is some stuff about my autism and stuff referring to how I feel about gender roles and presentation. I believe that this board will illustrate how my characters came from me and how I wish to represent who I am through my writing. <3 SJ

Another Thing About Me

Call me what you want, a grandma, an old lady, but I am proud to say that I love working with yarn, textiles, and fabrics of all kinds. These interests apply to quilting, weaving, embroidery, sewing, knitting, crocheting, and fashion design. I see a bunch of scraps of fabric and I think "What could I do with all of this?" and like every creative endeavor I go on, I start a pinterest board and find and form ideas on what to do with my box of scraps. Believe it or not, all of these things inspire me as much as any character or song. Working with my hands and letting my mind wander instead of writing and applying my mind to work on it  gives me time to think and build complexity without getting restless or losing concentration. My most current project is a wall hanging ( a quilty thing that isn't a quilt but is built like one) for my mom. I had a bunch of blues and orange and yellow scraps so I'm doing a hanging of a fiery golden sunset on the sea. My mom loves the ocean almost as much as I do.

My Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity

So, I'm writing about genderqueer trans people and non-heterosexualities. If I were a reader, I would personally question the credibility of anyone writing about anything LGBTQ until knowing more about the author, because I have read some works that tried to represent in  a positive manner but were unable to accurately do so because they did not personally know how the genders/ sexualities they were trying to write worked. These writers meant the best, but I was not 100% satisfied with the representation.
 I am agender, demipansexual, and panromantic. Being agender means that I do not identify as ANY gender. I am not any gender in particular. I just exist. Demipansexuality is a sub-category of demisexuality. Demisexuality is when you are attracted to someone after forming a deep bond. If I haven't known someone for at least six months and am not romantically attracted to them, I will not be sexually attracted to them. I  may see them as hot, and enjoy Imagining having sex with them, but when It becomes something that could realistically happen and I think about it in terms of "Do I Want This Person Inside Of Me", it doesn't sound so appealing. "Pan", of course, is short for pansexual. I have been attracted to a few people in my whole life with a sex drive (about 4 years), and they have been all over the place gender wise. Being panromantic means I'm romantically attracted to every gender (which of course is proving true as well).
Although I would like to be androgynous, I am currently presenting fem (bleh) because I am not out to my family. This means I can't order a binder or get a "lesbian hair cut" as my mom so eloquently refers to undercuts and short hair in general. This has led to bouts of extreme dysphoria and an almost absolute inability to do anything about it. I also have a very hard time with pronouns (even binary pronouns) because of how I phrase things in my head*, so it would not be right of me to ask for people to change the pronouns they refer to me to when I can't seem to remember their pronouns ever in general. Maybe, someday I will be able to start using gender neutral pronouns ( the minute I can actually refer to someone correctly without accidentally misgendering them I will assume new pronouns).
I started brainstorming Aerin because I want their body shape, their androgyny. I began developing them because I want representation. I came up with Wren upon the realization that my Perfect androgynous ideal wasn't the only group in need of representation. There are always, of course, groups in need of representation. I think that's really something more writers should think about. And talk about, and write about. I mean, what are we supposed to write about besides stuff that means something to us? My identity and my need for the ability to exhibit my pride, which is repressed and only exhausted through my writing on the internet, are the most important things to me . These are things I want people to know about, to acknowledge. I also want people who don't feel represented to see that they can represent themselves and they should in any way possible.
Outside of my home, during the school year, I'm as loud and proud of my sexuality and gender as anyone else. Around my mom and her passive aggressive transphobia and homophobia, I was unable to do things like this, putting all my time toward unbridled self expression and pursuing my happiness. Since my mom has left me here with my sister ( who I am out to, to an extent, and who is incredibly accepting and loving and wants me teach my nephew about such things), I have felt more freedom than I ever felt when she was here. I'm going to visit my mom in a few days, and though I'm going to have to get back in the closet after I've spent the past few months being out, I'm hoping that the freedom and hope I feel for my future here doesn't go away while I'm there. I may be leaving my home and my laptop, but I can't leave the person I've become and my mom and her quiet hatefulness will no longer hurt me. My mother is a good person. She, out of the kindness of her heart, adopted three out of seven siblings from a turbulent, abusive home. She is, however, unlucky; a woman raised in a pentecostal church in  southern missouri in the '50s managed to adopt a queer autistic mexican mixed child with PTSD. The combination of our personalities has not turned out well. <3 SJ

*My autism causes my vocabulary and sentence structure to get all jumbled up in my head. Most of the time I just refer to people by name instead of pronoun in my head "The Dorian", "The Hannah". It causes communication issues and pronoun problems but I always catch myself and am very disappointed when I misgender someone. Sometimes more upset than the person I misgendered.

Doodle A Day Journal

So, In one of my posts about journaling I said I was starting a doodle-a-day journal. It has been three days and I already failed at it. My bullet journal, however, is both thriving and helping me thrive. I have a really good feeling that this one is going to last awhile and help me keep my shit together into the school year. <3 SJ

Pinterest Character Board: Wren

Wren is a very soft but complicated character to write. Since these are my two favorite things about her I tend to focus on them. To see how I used pictures, ideas, and concepts gathered from the internet to create Wren, follow this link! <3 SJ

Character Pinterest Boards: Aerin

Aerin is a very complex character ( at least in my head). In order to develop this character, I  have been working on a pinterest board for them. If you would like to see my inspiration and references for Aerin, the link is here. <3 SJ

My Bullet Journal!!

I've started my new bullet journal! It's so cute and going so well so far! I changed how I formatted the list since my last one, and these are working better than the old one.

Bullet Journal!

After hours on pinterest, I'm starting anew bullet journal! Mine, of course, won't be as fancy as others' but that's ok because it will still be useful and the inside will be just as pretty as anyone else's. Wish me luck lmao.

My Journals!!!

Anyone who knows me will tell you that journals are a very large part of my life. I have autism, which makes it hard for me to express myself verbally, process my feelings and senses, and process events in certain orders. Journals are Very useful in doing all those things, as well as being fun and a good writing/ art exercise. In the past year I've kept a poetry journal ( which was actually a letter to someone) , a bullet journal, and a sketch-a-day journal. I am currently keeping a letter journal, a doodle a day journal, a college planning journal, this blog for my writing, and I plan on starting a new bullet journal on the first of august. Here are some descriptions of the journals I've completed:

1. The Letter Journal- This is pretty much just a letter. I wrote many poems and drew some sketches  over the course of a really, really intense crush and I  bound the pages  together by hand and gave the completed journal to the girl I wrote it for ( I'm currently working on  another one in a spiral  addressed to a friend that lives far away so I don't get to talk to them every day and tell them everything I'd like to tell them) 
2. Bullet Journal- I used a templated bullet journal to chart my anxiety/ stress for the second part of last school year ( It really helped last year so I'm planning on starting a new bullet journal before next school year starts). 
3. a sketch a day journal- 365 paged sketchbook that I worked on for awhile ( I think it finishes in February but I didn't keep up with it very well so I'm not going to try to finish it at this point). Pretty much what that was was sketches inspired by book quotes or things that happened ( there are like 3 pages from a concert I went to with a friend and so much fanart for that band after that) 

Beyond that, I'll try to update about my journaling endeavors. I'm coming up with a layout for my bullet journal. I'm thinking of giving it a kind of hipstery vibe and maybe including some stuff from my college planning journal in it. The real question, though, is whether or not to hand bind it. I'll continue stewing up ideas for Wren as well. When I've fully developed enough of her to  write solidly I'll upload the sketches and work on her character chart.

I'm not good at blogging on a day to day basis

Ok,, So I'm not very good at regularly updating things. I usually set goals depending on when I start a project, and I've been taking Wren and Aerin in tiny steps. I haven't started much on Wren. You will eventually hear from me again, I promise. A little wait is going to be worth it, because when I rush things tend to get super messy. Show my brain some patience while she figures out exactly how Wren is supposed to be. Also, I'll be Gone for a whole week and I'm trying to queue some stuff for it but it may or may not go well. I know, I don't update much as it is, but I'll pull a few all nighters and make sure there's enough substance to last awhile. While I am working on Wren, maybe I'll start writing about my journals? Journals are always fun and I've done like 5 of them in the past year. Anyways, that's the docket for the next couple weeks I guess. I have to sync my queue and stuff so that it updates regularly while I'm gone/ busy and such. If you're willing to wait and have been waiting since my last update, thank. <3 SJ

WWRREEENNNN!!!!!!

I'm just warning ya'll, I'm absolutely in love with my concept art for Wren so far, so be prepared to have an entire dump of doodles, because they are adorable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, all those exclamation points were completely necessary because I am telling the truth. You will understand when you see the sketches. YOU'LL ALL UNDERSTAND *fangirling over my own OC*. <3 SJ

The EPIGUIDE.COM Character Chart for Fiction Writers
This chart can be found at http://www.epiguide.com/ep101/writing/charchart.html

Print this page to complete the form for each main character you create. IMPORTANT: Note that all fields are optional and should be used simply as a guide; character charts should inspire you to think about your character in new ways, rather than constrain your writing. Fill in only as much info as you choose. Have fun getting to know your character!

Character's Full Name: ____Aerin Michaels _________________________________________________
Name origin:	Gender neutral form of Erin, Aaron
Nickname, if any (if so, explain its origin – e.g. who created it?):	Aerin~ created by Aerin
Does s/he like the nickname?	Yes it is their preferred name
Birth date:	12/7/1998
Place of birth:	Benld, IL
Ethnic background:	Mixed Hispanic
Religion:	Forced Presbyterian
Degree of religious practice (e.g. orthodox, casual, lapsed)::	As low as humanly possible while also putting up the front of piety
Current address:	232 North Montegue Avenue
Does s/he rent or own?	Neither their mother owns the house
Brief description of home (apartment, house, etc.): An almost obscenely large manor house,  a monster of brick and pillars with large, heavy double doors of solid oak
Does s/he live with anyone?	Aerin lives with their widowed mother and and younger sister
Describe the area in which s/he lives  (city, town, rural, other): A very rural area on an estate built by her great, great grandfather in the 1900's, when the coal industry was particularly profitable
Is this his/her ideal home and location? If not, what would s/he prefer? no, Aerin would much rather live in a large city, one that had a pride parade at least.
Home decor:   { Expensive}     Inexpensive    { Carefully planned }    Comfortable     Neat     Cluttered
Does s/he drive? Own a car? (Make, model, color, age, etc.): No, their family is very wealthy and anytime they need to leave the house they are driven by a chauffeur
Pets?  (If so, what kind/how many/names?)No. Their house is far too expensive for their mother to ever allow an animal into the house
If so, how important are they? How well are they treated?N/A
Current occupation (include length of time, location, job title):None
Job satisfaction (happy, discontent, ambivalent, ambitious…):N/A
Income:A Yearly allowance of $1000
Sexuality (e.g. straight, gay, bisexual, asexual, uncertain…):Asexual
Marital status:N/A
If married or currently romantically involved, with whom, and for how long? A nonbinary trans person called Wren. Their relationship has lasted a year so far.
List any significant previous romantic partners:
For current spouse/partner, what does the character call him/her (pet names, nicknames, etc.)? "Wrennie" "Wrey" "T-Wrex" all sorts of things ranging from dorky to dirty
How did they meet? {LOOK BACK AT LATER <3 SJ}
Any children (include names, ages, other parent if different from any current partner):</div>
Describe his/her relationship with children (if any)?

</div>PHYSICAL APPEARANCE: <div align="center">

Height: 5'3"	Weight:110	Body type (thin, athletic, overweight, curvy, muscular, etc.) Thin/ androgynous
Eye color:Hazelish	Need glasses/contacts/hearing aid? Nerp	Skin tone (pale, ivory, tan, olive, ruddy, brown, etc.): Pale w/olivish tones
Face shape (round, oval, chubby, thin, long, square, heart-shaped, etc.:	Thin, Kinda angular
Any prominent features, freckles/moles/scars/tattoos or other distinguishing marks: Some scars on their left leg from what they  call their  "I wish I could go back and tell myself it gets better" stage
Whom does s/he most look like (e.g. famous person or relative)? their aunt (their late father's little sister, who is 24)
General health (good, excellent, poor...)? Excellent
Any current health problems or chronic conditions? Depression
How does s/he dress?    Price:   Expensive     Average     Inexpensive    { Cheap : because they refuse to wear most of the clothing their mother buys and gives themselves a low budget for clothes} Style:   Haute Couture   Conservative     Trendy     Eclectic    Business     Sexy    {Gaudy}    Casual     Sloppy
Why does she dress in the above manner (e.g. to be noticed)? Because their mother wouldn't leave them alone if they dressed any other way, especially if they were denying the clothes she had gotten for them
Any special jewelry? (If so, why is it special?)    What about accessories?
Grooming:     {Fastidious/Very neat}     Average     Clean but scruffy    Dirty/Unkempt  If other than average, why? their mother is extremely strict and will not allow them to leave the estate in any other state
Describe hairstyle  (long, short, crewcut, locs, bangs, side-part etc.): They have a sort of an undercut, with long bangs going over their right eye and their hair buzzed on the left side of the part.
Natural hair texture  (smooth, wavy, curly, etc.): Kinda wavy	Current hair texture (if different):N/A
Natural hair color: A Darkish Brownish	Current hair color (if different):dark brown with dark purple highlights

SPEECH AND LANGUAGE/COMMUNICATION:

Pace of speech (fast, average, slow?): Average	Voice tone (shrill, high, average, deep, squeaky, hoarse, harsh, authoritative, cultured, etc.):
Accent/dialect, if any:N/A	Any favorite/habitual words/phrases? Curse words? "Fuck Nuggets" probably
Describe general vocabulary or speech pattern (e.g. educated, precise, pretentious, average, uneducated, vulgar…) Pretentious and precise around everyone at the manor with the habit of becoming very vulgar and colloquial around their friends
Mannerisms/demeanor?  Cool/confident    Volatile     {Nervous/shy; around family}   Aggressive    { Friendly}     Remote     {Other (describe); is often extremely outspoken in general when outside of the manor}
Typical posture:    Stiff     Stands straight but not stiffly    { Average, varies with mood}     Slumped/defeated      Slouchy, careless     Relaxed     Other (describe)
Gestures:   Rarely    { Controlled}     When excited    Most of the time     Wildly/oddly     Other (describe)
Common/habitual gestures (e.g. nail-biting, hair patting, drumming fingers, clenched fists, hands in pockets, etc.):N/A

EVERYDAY BEHAVIOR / HABITS:

Finances: (prudent/cautious, some debt, lives paycheck to paycheck, deep in debt, criminal activity, etc.):Aerin is incredibly financially cautious,putting about $900 of their yearly allowance into college funds and budgeting the rest to last all year

Personal Habits: Smoking, Drinking, Drugs, Gambling, etc.? Are any of these addictions? They self-harmed for about 3 months in middle school but stopped when they realized there were other solutions. Everyone's pretty sure they have a caffeine addiction because they average about 2 pots of coffee per day

Morning Routine:  Describe the character's morning rituals. Who else is sleeping in the same bed? What time does he/she wake up? Is he/she cheerful in the morning?  What does he/she do during breakfast-read, watch tv, feed kids, etc. Aerin is not a morning person. They always have the coffee machine in their room scheduled to wake them up when it's brewed and doesn't leave their room until they've finished off the pot

Afternoon/Workday:  Does s/he work outside the home? How does he/she get there? Is s/he good at this job? What if anything would he/she rather be doing? How long and hard is the work day? If the job isn’t outside the home, what does a typical afternoon consist of? They normally have permission to leave the house in the afternoon, as long as they have finished their class quota for the day

Dinner:  Does s/he eat at home or go out a lot? What is/are his or her favorite restaurant(s)? Who cooks at home?  Does s/he eat alone? If they aren't out with their friends they eat alone in their room

Evening:  What does your character do on a typical evening? Where? With whom? How much does he/she enjoy it? What is the ideal evening for him or her? They have to go home in the evening and they normally spend it listening to music and reading/ writing

Sleep Habits:  Fall asleep easily, or an insomniac? Any recurring dreams? Sleep soundly, or toss & turn? They have the tendency towards insomnia. No one is very sure whether it's stress, depression, or just bad coffee habits

Any special talents? Skills? They are incredibly good at writing

What is s/he particularly unskilled at? social policy

Any hobbies (sports, games, arts, collecting, etc.)? Writing

FAMILY OF ORIGIN:

Mother's name (include maiden name if known/applicable):Mary Michelle Michaels (Michaels is her maiden name. Since she is the heiress of a wealthy mining family she and her husband decided to pass the name down with her and the girls instead of giving them his last name)
Current status:  _V_ living __ deceased   (If alive, enter age: _56___ )
Mother’s occupation, if any: widow
Describe the mother’s relationship with character:strict, overbearing, slightly abusive mother
Father's name:George Jiminez-Michaels
Current status:  __ living _v_ deceased   (If alive, enter age: ____ )
Father’s occupation, if any:was school teacher before he met Mary, opened a car garage using her money because he wanted to spend his time doing things he enjoyed
Describe the father’s relationship with character:George was an incredibly loving father. He died as a result of a racist hate crime while visiting his parents and sister in Missouri  when Aerin was 7 years old and their sister was 2
Any step-parents, foster parents, or birth parents (if not same as above):  (If s/he is adopted, does s/he know? If not, why?)
Sibling(s) (include age and birth order relative to main character):1 little sister, Emma, who is 12 years old
Relationship(s) with character:Is not good
Nieces/Nephews:N/A	In-Laws, if any:N/A
Other than the above, who else in the story is part of his/her extended family (e.g.  cousins, etc.)? Aunt, who's name is Rosa. To be honest, Rosa is more like a sister to Aerin than Emma is

THE PAST:

Home town (if different from current home): N/A

Was his/her childhood happy? Troubled? Dull?  Does the character remember it accurately? Their childhood was troubled

Earliest memory: Their father and aunt taking them to  the museum to learn about Robert Wadlow when they were 5

Happiest memory:Their father telling the story of how he and their mother met

Saddest memory:When her aunt came to the estate to tell them what had happened to George

How much school did s/he attend, if any? Did/does s/he like school? Why or why not? Both of the Michaels children were home schooled due to their parents' concern that they may be targeted due to the knowledge of their massive fortune and many grudges held towards the mine because of a collapse that happened several years before they were born and was handled very poorly by the company.

Most significant childhood event: the death of their father

Other significant childhood events: Visiting the Alton Giant, seeing the arch, the birth of their baby sister

Significant past jobs:N/A

Police record (explain any convictions, sentence served, where/when):N/A

First crush/romantic love? {REVIST LATER <3 SJ}

What was his/her first sexual experience?  Is it a positive or negative memory? N/A

Major illnesses, accidents or traumas? How is s/he still affected, if at all? The death of their father impacted them very significantly, as well as their struggle with their identity and the abuse they suffer from their immediate family and the practical isolation from normal society

RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS:

Who is his/her best friend? Wren

Who are his/her other close friends? Maria, Logan

How in general does the character relate to friends?

… to strangers? Awkward in a bad way

… to spouse/Lover? Awkward in a cute way

… to past spouses/lovers? awkward in an award way

… to own children, if any? N/A

… to other family members? Restricted

… to the same sex? depends on who it is

… to the opposite sex? depends on who it is

… to children in general? Very awkward

… to others who are more successful? Depends on who they are

… to others who are less successful?Depends on who they are

… to boss (if any)? NA

… to underlings at work? NA

… to competitors?NA

… to authority (police, IRS, politicians, attorneys, doctors, etc.)? Depends on who they are

What do most people consider his/her most likeable trait?   they say Aerin has a cute nose

What do most people consider his/her biggest flaw? they get Super hung up when people are disrespectful and tends to start fights over it

Any secret attractions/crushes? NERP

In romantic relationships, is s/he generally monogamous or uncommitted? (If the latter, is s/he honest w/ partners?) monogamous

Is his/her sexual behavior inhibited, average, experimental, or reckless? Has this changed (and if so, why)? inhibited (they're asexual, experience no sexual attraction or inclination toward sexual desires)

Whom does s/he dislike most, and why? their mom, because they've explained their feelings but their other laughed in their face about it

Whom does s/he like most, and why? their aunt Rosa, because she is very bubbly and kind and accepting

Who's the most important person in his/her life right now, and why? Wren, because they recently came out to their parents and are trying to find a new place to live.

Whom does s/he secretly admire (nonromantic), and why? their sister Emma because she puts up with their mom's abuse the most due to her mental illness

Who was his/her biggest influence, and why? Their father, who continues to be the most loving, kind, supportive person Aerin ever knew

Person s/he most misunderstands or misjudges: their mother

Person who most misunderstands or misjudges him or her:Their mother

Has s/he lost touch with anyone significant in his/her life? If so, why? No

Worst end of a relationship (could be friend, romance, colleague…)? The day their mom  threatened to throw emma out on the street due to her inability to communicate " like a human being"

Whom does s/he most rely on for practical advice? their aunt

Whom does s/he most rely on for emotional support? their aunt

Whom, if anyone, does s/he support (e.g. advice or emotional support)? wren

MENTAL ATTITUDE/PERSONAL BELIEFS:

Any psychological issues (e.g. phobias,  depression, paranoia, narcissism, etc.)? depression
Is s/he an optimist or pessimist? optimist
Meyers Briggs Personality Type (see http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp):ISFJ
S/he is most comfortable when ...  (alone, hanging w/friends, drinking, etc.): alone
S/he is most uncomfortable when ... (in a crowd, alone, speaking in public, etc.): speaking in public
Is s/he cautious, brave, or reckless in his/her approach to life? cautious
What does s/he most value/prioritize (family, money, success, religion, etc.)? their friends
Whom does s/he really love best? Wren
Whom or what would s/he be willing to die for? in defense of the identities of others
Is s/he generally compassionate or self-involved? they're incredibly compassionate
Personal philosophy: acceptance is better than asking someone to change to fit your ideas
What’s his/her most embarrassing moment? the first time someone asked what their sexuality was
What is his/her secret wish? to be accepted by the world and for their friends to be accepted as well
What (or who) is his/her biggest fear? being killed in a hate crime like their father
Any prejudices (race, culture, sexuality, religion, etc.)? straight white baptists, in an ironic sense
Political party or beliefs, if any:very liberal
Does s/he believe in fate or destiny? Is s/he superstitious? nerp and nerp
Character's greatest strength: compassion
Other good characteristics:  outspoken, charming, loving
Character's greatest flaw: overprotective to a fault
Other character flaws: Uncertain, Incredibly Anxious, Is A Bitter Bean
What are his/her own favorite attributes (both physical and personal)? They like that they're practically androgynous and that they can protect their friends  What about least favorite? they have breasts
Are these feelings accurate? Yes, though they can sometimes be Too overprotective
How does s/he think others perceive him or her? (And is this accurate?) They think no one likes them because they are ruche, which is very inaccurate
Biggest regret:Trying to change themselves to fit their mother's standards
Other regrets:Not leaving with their aunt Rosa, not standing up for Emma more
Proudest accomplishment:When they came out to their mother
Other accomplishments:Fighting the kid who was making fun of Wren, getting Emma addicted to generic brand swedish fish
Quirks: Thinks they're slightly smaller than they actually are, is addicted to coffee
Character's biggest secret(s)? Who else knows (if anyone)? When they were 13 they tried to cut off the curve of their hip . No one knows
How does s/he react to a crisis?  They completely shut down
What usually causes the problems in his/her life (romance, finances, friends, rivals, colleagues, personality flaws, health, etc.)? Family
What would s/he most like to change about her-/himself? Why? They would like to become completely androgynous
Write a paragraph (~100 words) of the character describing him/herself: Hello, I am Aerin. I'm 17 years old. I live at the Michaels Estate in Benld. I am agender, a nonbinary gender meaning having no gender identity at all. My main goals in life are too become androgynous and also to get my little sister away from my mother. I am in love with a person called Wren. THEY'RE JUST SO SMOL AND CUTE AND I LOVE IT OK. I would fight a bear for my friends. Well, not a bear. Maybe a really hair midget? I really wish my aunt would let me come live her in Missouri. She's so much more chill about everything than my mom.
Short term goals: Get away from the Michaels Estate
Long term goals: Become androgynous and take over the world.
Does s/he plan to achieve these goals, or does s/he think they’re unrealistic?  they believe they will be able to reach the first goal but are a little iffy about the second one
Will others be affected? If so, does s/he care? Emma and their aunt will be affected, which is something that is happening on purpose
What if anything is stopping him/her from achieving these goals? their mother
What event or occurrence does s/he most dread or fear? Their mother having Emma institutionalized
What does he/she actively work to gain, keep or protect? their friends, their sister, and their right to their identity
Which person in his/her life would s/he most want to emulate? their aunt Rosa
Which person in his/her life would s/he least want to emulate? Their mother

LIKES/FAVORITES:

Food: Dinosaur chicken nuggets	Drink: capri sun	Color:purple
Book: Dracula	Film:Lilo and Stitch	TV Show:Steven Universe
Music/Song: Arms Race- Fall Out Boy	Sport:NA	Hangout(s): Wren's treehouse
Motto/Quote:Nihil sed mors partem nos	Possession:a picture of their father

Copyright 2004 – 2011 by EPIGUIDE.COM, the Guide to Web Entertainment
This chart may be reprinted as long as above credit is included
http://www.epiguide.com/ep101/writing/charchart.html

look at this insane ass sheet I filled out. It really helped with alot of things, and I'm very sure it will be useful later. <3 SJ

Meet Wren- My Second OC

Wren Davis is 16 years old and lives in Benld, the town nearest to where Aerin lives at the Michaels Estate. Wren was born Raymond Davis, and her name was changed officially when she was 14, following her coming out to  her father. Wren is the only child of a single, amazingly devoted father. This man also happens to be the owner of the salon, and supplies his child with beautiful wigs. Although Wren uses feminine pronouns, she does not identify as female. She, like Aerin, is agender. Wren isn't sure of her sexuality, but feels no rush to figure it out. She and Aerin met when Aerin came to the salon to get their hair cut, and over heard someone telling Wren she was going to hell for her gender identity. This, of course, made Aerin incredibly angry. They fought a football player. The part that Wren focused on at the moment was the fact that Aerin, in all their slight , 5'3" of condensed bitterness, beat the large football player. And then sat down and got their haircut afterwards as if nothing had happened, blushing when Wren asked them out for a cup of coffee ( Mr. Davis beaming proudly at his "small"(5'9") child asking someone out). Wren, in Aerin's eyes as well as her father's, is full of kittens and rainbows and cotton candy and cute, soft aesthetic. To others, however, Wren's rather amazonian frame is very intimidating, seeing as most men don't even get that tall in the midwest. Wren is incredibly gentle and beautiful on the eyes of those who know her , and is known for getting along with children incredibly well. Wren adores her "tiny" lover, and never lets the height difference go unnoticed. When Aerin's Aunt Rosa met Wren, she told one Wren hadn't hear before- "Hey are you related to Robert Wadlow?" Some fun facts about Wren: She is kinda chubby and very soft. Her long , equally soft arms along with everything else about her make for the Very Best hugs. -- I'll have her profile form/ sketches up in  a few days. The forms are so long and they require much more effort than the sketches and the little blurbs, so of course it'll take me longer to get them up. <3 SJ

Character Form

If you don't know what a character form is a long piece of paperwork that asks for alll kinds of information about an OC. The usefulness of a packet like that is that it gives you a solid backstory on the character and their family and makes sure you didn't forget any major information that could cause a plot hole. I'm currently filling out one of these massive packets for Aerin, and intend to post it as soon as possible, which might be awhile because some of this information requires thought and research and a ridiculous amount of coffee. When I finish with Aerin's character sheet I'll start in on concept art for Wren and then do a concept sheet for them. I'll keep you posted on developments (whether you're paying attention or not) ~ <3 SJ

My PInterest Boards!

So, most of the time when I am developing a character, I find their aesthetic first. I do this by making boards on pinterest that I feel encompass who I think my characters are. From there I form a character, their opinions and feelings and ideas. You can learn almost as much about them from their boards as from their descriptions. Since I am starting to develop a second character ( Aerin's romantic partner they're called Wren) , I decided I should give you access to these ideas so maybe you'll learn more about the characters and be able to give feedback ( which I would be pleased to hear). Here's my pinterest , feel free to follow and like and save my stuff. I'm always up for attention. <3 SJ

My Writing Playlist (AKA Why I Write So Aggressively When I Do Write)

1. Centuries- Fall Out Boy 
2. Immortals- Fall Out Boy 
3. Arm's Race- Fall Out Boy 
4. Stronger Than You- Estelle 
5. Don't Threaten Me With a Good Time- Panic!At The Disco
6. The Ballad of Mona Lisa- Panic!At The Disco
7. Death of a Bachelor- Panic!At The Disco
8. Emporer's New Clothes-Panic!At The Disco
9. I Write Sins Not Tragedies- Panic!At The Disco
10. Let It Go- Idina Menzel 
11. Defying Gravity- Idina Menzel
12. No Good Deed- Idina Menzel 
13. Teen Titans- Puffy AmiYumi
14. Crystal Gems- Zach Callison 
15. What Can I Do For You- Tom Scharpling and Susan Egan 
16. Hurricane- Lin-Manuel Miranda 
17. Wait For It- Leslie Odom Jr. 
18. Alexander Hamilton- Lin-Manuel Miranda, Leslie Odom Jr.,  Anthony Ramos, Daveed Diggs, Okieriete Onaodowan, Phillipa Soo, Christopher Jackson, 
19. Teenagers- My Chemical Romance 
20. Welcome To The Black PArade- My Chemical Romance
21. Marilyn, My Bitterness- Cruxshadows 
22. Halo- Cruxshadows 

Things That Inspire Me

I would like to thank everything on this list for giving me what it takes to at least do a little bit of work;

1. Being able to type on a real laptop 
2. Art tutorials
3. My friends 
4. My cat (His name is Arthur and he loves putting his face in coffee cups and sitting on laptop keyboards)
5. People who don't agree with me/ actively go out of their way to attempt to make me question my own beliefs rather than say my ideas can coexist with theirs 
6. Thomas Sanders (don't judge me he is so good and pure he deserves to be on this list) 
7. The Youtuber Noodlerella (I love her she's up there with Thomas <3)
8. The show Steven Universe ( I have an entire post on that one) 
9. My need for attention 
10. My one year old nephew (<3)
11. My 4 1/2 year old niece (<3)
12. My androgynous friends ( I love them so much ok they inspired Aerin) 
13. Tumblr (it's helped me grow a great deal and the amount of insight and information and community that I've felt there just makes me feel good) 
14. My big sister ( the only person in my immediate family who I'm out to and who is currently out of the kindness of her heart letting me live with her while also paying me to babysit my nephew) 
15. My biological parents, who don't deserve much thanks for the most part but I guess they made me and I wouldn't be able to be a writer or to have multiple blogs if I had never been born
16. Coffee
17. Pinterest 

Here are the sketches of Aerin I was referring to. From left to right, the first one is them in a suit , the second sketch is a neutral or blank faced sketch, the third is them in a crop top and skirt, the fourth one is of Aerin smiling, and the fifth one is a thumbnail of Aerin's body type in various clothing types. I started designing Aerin earlier this year because I know many androgynous people and found the skinnyish body shape of some of the people I know to be aesthetically pleasing. Aerin was a sort of study of a specific androgynous body type, the one I'm most familiar with personally. Once I had a visioln of their body my mind began to form a personality. I still have no plot. Or any other characters. But I've put a great deal of work into Aerin and will continue to develop their personality before moving on to another character. (The original study consists of 18 sketches 5 thumbnails and a description that's about two paragraphs long). I hope you love Aerin as much as I do~ SJ <3

Good Morning!

Yo! Day two of trying to attract people to this. I know it's a really weird way to network my writing and beg for readers but I'm going to keep trying. So far I've just been jumping around. I still haven't found a good theme. I think so far I've been posting about things that inspire me to write and a little bit of what I've been working on, right? I think that's what this blog will be; a tracker of things that inspire me and how the projects I'm working on are getting along. I think it's safe to say that this may turn out like other writing projects, I'll just end up scrapping everything. But it could actually become something, and that's what I'm hoping for. My first goal of this blog is to develop a solid writing style, and one that people enjoy. My second goal is developing plots that people like. My third and final and most ridiculous goal is to get so well known through the blog that If I do somehow get something published there will be people who will buy it and read it and give me feedback about it, but that's literally impossible. It's been a very, very long time (about three years) since I've written fiction for my own enjoyment. Lately I've been focusing on writing for scholarship competitions and journaling, but the other day I was looking through my sketches when I  was cleaning and I saw Aerin and I remembered how the first person I told about them reacted and it inspired me. You see, this girl is a southern baptist child who carries around her bible at school and I bounced my character off of her because she's very insightful about creative stuff and instead of being accepting she said the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my entire life- "The homophobe shouldn't be the antagonist".  When I asked her why she spewed this entire thing about christians just wanting to help and it sounded so along the lines of "the white man's burden" that it made me really angry. There's nothing wrong with people who aren't straight. We don't need your help. That's harassment. That's what I thought about when I found Aerin. What if I pulled a 180 on people like that and showed them that their help was unwanted and uncalled for by writing the story of someone being harassed by someone who means well and refuses to be educated on what they're trying to 'fix'? All I want is for people who think they're doing the right thing to notice and see that they're hurting people by invalidating their identities. I may be fueled by anger but I promise all I want to do is show that acceptance and kindness is a better solution than saying "no, that's not right, that's not how you feel" and "let me help you". ~ SJ

Reasons Why I'm Pretty Sure Steven Universe Is The Best Show Ever

"We, are the Crystal Gems 

We'll always save the day!

And if you think we can't,

we'll always find a way!

That's why the people of this world

Believe in

Garnet-

Amethyst-

And Pearl- 

AND STEVEN!" 

 If you don't know this song, it's the theme song of the show "Steven Universe" on cartoon network (and in my heart). If you do know it, I hope you sang it in all their voices like I did because that's the best way to sing this. I didn't put a number of reasons in the title was that I have no idea how many reasons I have to love this show as much as I do. Here's my personal list of reasons why this is my favorite show: 

1. The theme song 
2. How the show slowly gets more intense while staying cute
3. How it slowly describes concepts children wouldn't be able to understand all at once
4. How it shows different types of relationships and how they work 
5. How it addresses unhealthy relationships
6. How it addresses what healthy relationships should look like 
7. The fact that it demonstrates good ways to vent your feelings
8. It demonstrates what bad venting looks like
9. Redemption Arcs!!!!
10. It demonstrates concepts like racism and moral ambiguity without being overwhelming 
11. They're literally the cutest
12. The music
13. The development of everyone's relationships (Greg/the gems, Connie/ Steven, Gems/Peridot) 
14. How they address the conventional family dynamic
15. the demonstration of how fantasies like cloning, time travel, and shapeshifting can go wrong and affect you badly
16. The fact that they are all forced, throughout the course of the show, to address differences in their personalities and confront themselves and each other about their problems
17. CANON GAYS!!!!
18. This is the first show I've seen with lesbians where they weren't killed so yeah 
19. and it's for kids
20. and it specifically says that whether you agree with it or not love is love and you shouldn't question it 

My OC~ Meet my smol bean child Aerin!

Character Study- Aerin Michaels

An original character created by sj@advancing the gay agenda

Aerin Michaels was born Mackenzie Marie Michaels. Mackenzie Marie is their dead name, meaning that they no longer answer to it and to be called by it makes them extremely uncomfortable. Aerin is a 17 year old asexual, agender, panromantic person. Though they have no true gender preference, they like the they/their/them pronouns. They don’t mind any specific gender when it comes to clothing, and will wear both stereotypical male clothing and stereotypical female clothing. Since they were born female, they most often wear female clothing because of their family, though always with a binder on because Aerin enjoys confusing people by appearing androgynous. To them, gender does  not matter at all, to the point where they almost have no concept of gender beyond biological organs. Aerin shows no interest in sex for the most part,and would much rather just date someone without the need for sexual contact.  Aerin enjoys being romantically involved and gender does not matter in the case of relationships either. It is not that Aerin is sex repulsed, or that something happened to them as a child, they would just rather not have sex.

That’s the beauty of Aerin. They know exactly what they want and what they mean and understands that others have different ideas but will not stand for gross ignorance as a tool for hatred. This has gotten Aerin into many fights, because people are always invalidating the sexualities of their friends, and they will always fight for the people who helped them understand themselves. Aerin’s family makes up for most of the people who invalidate Aerin and their friends.  

Agender means a lack of gender identity. It fits under the umbrella terms “nonbinary”, meaning not of two, and “transgender”, meaning being a different gender identity than that which is dictated by your genitalia. Aerin is a firm believer in the idea that everyone has a slightly different gender identity, just as we all have different sexualities, gender make ups, and ideas and brain structures. In summary, they usually say that humans are all “special little snowflakes”

At Right: Agender Flag  

SJ here, reporting for duty from the swampy innards of Tumblr.com

Yo! I'm SJ, and I am attempting to expand my blogging achievements outside of the social media platform Tumblr, which, if you are not familiar, is a site similar to this on which millions of people run blogs, "reblog" the posts of others, and offer discourse to each other.   I really like it on there but have decided to start becoming independent from tumblr, meaning that I'm going to start generating content of my own on a separate platform. If you're interested in looking at my blog on tumblr here is the link. Although I mostly just reblogged things, there is a solid amount of my writing in there if you look hard enough. Some of it is not as eloquent and may contain many cuss words. I plan on doing more toward the writing end of the scale on here however, mainly because I very recently got a new lap top. I am currently working on three scholarship competition essays, rant poetry about lgbtqa+ , and an OC for a plot I do not have yet. I'm not a very good writer but please, bear with me if you do sit through this or see it. -Thanks Fam <3 SJ